Don't be sorry. I don't need your sympathy. I don't need you to make it seem like because I am a parent of a "special needs child" that my life is over. Trust me when I say that it isn't. Do I wish the challenges and everyday chaos that ensues was easier? Hell yeah.
My son Landon is fourteen years old. He's strong, hyper active and very much a busy body. There are some days I run on empty. Coffee is my best friend a lot. But raising him I have learned so much. I have learned about compassion, activism and how to use my voice. Before I had kids I was a shy person. Never spoke up. Always kept to myself. Never really put myself out there. I liked being a loner. A quiet person. Then I got married and had kids and all that changed.
I advocate for all four of my kids. When my daughter was being bullied in middle school I called the school right away and spoke to the principal and the social worker because when my daughter gets to the point she doesn't want to go to school we have a problem. That problem was fixed. She got through it and now shes in high school and has so many friends that I can't keep track of names half the time.
I did the same for my twins and I do the same for Landon. Even though he goes to autism impaired school I have had my fair share of dealing with teachers and staff. He has had great teachers and some that would make me go off because they have no business being a special needs teacher. I have even had my fair share of moments with doctors too like Landons first pediatrician. This man is supposedly one of the best in the state of Michigan yet he kept telling us that Landon was just being lazy. That he needed to be put in a sitting position on the couch or the chair. That he didn't need a neurologist and got pissed off and dropped our kids as patients as soon as he found out that we got a neurologist anyway. Who by the way did their job, ran tests and even diagnosed Landon with motor apraxia. Guess what. No matter how much we tried to follow the "pediatricians" advice he didn't get better, It took a neuro and the MIPP program to get Landon to sit up, crawl and eventually walk.
It really bugs me when people apologize for your son or daughter because they're special needs. Yes we go through so much more but we also learn to cope and push through the challenges cause we have to. No one else is gonna make sure that they get a somewhat normal life like we do. Its either let them slip or fight for them and I don't know about other parents but I'm gonna fight for Landon every step of the way.
Sure its not peachy. There are days where I want to hide from everyone. But then what good does that do? It doesn't help him or his siblings if mama wants to run and hide. I suck it up and face it head on. You can't raise a special needs child or in my case teen with the mentality of running away. Cause whose gonna be their advocate? Who is gonna fight for them? Who is gonna be there when the public is not so nice and understanding? I will.
And with the public you have to bite your tongue a lot. I have never in my life disliked people in general until I became a parent of a special needs child. All those "friends" you had are gone. MIA. You take your son or daughter out to the store or into the community and you deal with the stares, the comments and the downright animosity because your kid is "different". I had a lady tell me at the park that our son had no business being there like he had aids or a contagious disease that will be spread to every kid there. It took everything in me not to yell at her in front of her kid. Instead I simply said to her "I feel sorry that your kids are being raised by a person like you" then I walked away. I don't know how other parents feel when it comes to raising their special needs kids. But I can say that it really opens your eyes to how the world REALLY is when a person finds out your kid is special needs.
We don't want to hear "I'm sorry", "Oh no that's terrible" or my all time cringe worthy phrase "you poor thing, its too bad that your son can't be normal" As if being "normal" is so great anyway. Cause let me tell you. Some "normal" people show the ugly inside when they look at your kid like hes carrying the plague and will kill off the human race. And I'm not exaggerating that. The death stares that my kid has received would make you think that the Terminator was real. Seriously...
Look at his face.. Hes a happy go lucky kid who is always smiling. Hes just so awesome <3
Thank you Amelia, for this post. I hope as many as possible read this.
ReplyDeleteI'm a foster mother for many children with special needs. And I hear all the time, how lucky I am because I didn't give birth to them. Why? For me it's a privilege to take care of them. Of course there are people who don't know that I'm just a foster mother. They keep on saying how sorry they are for me. Why?
I've talked a lot about this subject with my daughter and son in law. They have a son with Down syndrome. They have the same experience. Perhaps a little less, because it's easy to see why their son's development is slow.
I Wish you have the same courage, you had, also in the future.
Hugs and regards from Finland!
Thank you for your comment Kirsti! I think you're a amazing woman and those kids are so lucky to have you. You're right raising a special needs child is a privilege because it teaches us compassion and understanding. Something a lot of people lack in this world. I wish you the same dear cousin and I hope all is well there in Finland <3
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