Dream of a Russian invasion? It felt real

If you’re in my spiritual and dreams group on Facebook you have read about my extremely detailed dreams. I dream  every time I fall asleep. Some dreams are of my mom who died 8 years ago, some are sinister and involves  a lot of gore and violence. I always hate those dreams. They feel too real.  I also have had dreams of random events, hiding from strangers, traveling to many different places all in one dream or my least favorite running from war.

I had a dream that our tiny city here in Michigan was being attacked by extremists with tanks and I’m trying to run with my four kids. Where my husband is in this dream I never find out. But I tried to save my kids running from gunfire that never hits us and tanks that get closer and closer. As we are running from a tank that is right behind us my legs go in slow mo. I get to the point where I can’t run anymore and as I turn to look behind me at the tank I wake myself up not wanting to know what was gonna happen. I hope I never have that dream ever again.

But this dream was... It was a dream that felt so real I had to tell my husband about it. I couldn’t believe how real it felt. So I’m sharing this on here.

I am walking down the street with another girl and we turn to check ourselves out in a shops window. I am wearing a blue dress (which I find odd because I never wear dresses. Ever)  so I look at the other girl and out of nowhere this American soldier is grabbing us and telling us to run. So I go to run past him and he yells “ no not that way, the Russians are throwing toxic gas at the people. So he pulls me back and says run behind me and fast.” I look and see Russian soldiers running towards us. I then turn, I look at this American soldiers face and I just ran. I ran and ran until I couldn’t anymore. I’m not sure if something hits me but then the dream switches to me walking out of a building and a Russian man walks over to me and speaks to me in Russian. He seems to know me, as he smiles at puts his arms around me. I seem to understand him but in my head I hear the Russian as if it’s a foreign language. I know I understand him because I reply back in Russian and the freaky part about the whole moment  is I don’t speak Russian. So the man lets me go as a Russian soldier walks up. He looks down at me, smiles and walks away with the soldier and as they walk up a staircase into another building I hear a lady with a group of teenage girls yell my name “Amelia! Get down her we gotta go.” As she’s looking up at my with a concerned look on her face. So I run down the stairs and get in line with a group of girls I don’t know but one I seem to be friends with because she puts her arm around me and says “ walk fast”. So here I am walking with two adult women and a group of girls ina hurry when the women stop us and say “ come on in here” and we all make our way into a corridor.

As we are walking through we are told to look for a red door. I’m looking around at many different red doors thinking “ pretty much every door is red” so I walk to many to try and open them and they don’t budge. I back up from one door only to watch another red door crack open. And a young woman stands looking at us. She then opens the door and says in English “ this way and quick” As we are led down a spiral stairway I couldn’t help but realize we were going into hiding. And as we hurried into her house, yes it was a house, we were told that we were safe there.

As I make my way into her living room I look to realize my son Landon and my brother norman are there. Only to be told my son is actually my little brother in this dream. Everyone is talking to the young woman who tells us she is a author and has written many books. Showing us her books and everyone is smiling and talking. It was then that we heard a noise above us. The atmosphere changed. The woman turns off the lights. Tells us all to be quiet and she goes through the door leading to the stairwell. We all stand in complete silence as we hear more knocking, banging, some gunfire and her yelling no in Russian and screams. I run into the kitchen to hide as I hear footsteps running down the stairs. At this point I didn’t want to know what was going to happen. I didn’t want to seee the girls die or what was gonna happen to my son or my brother. I didn’t want to know. So I woke myself ya. I woke up and looked around my room thanking god it was a dream. But you know what I hate about the dream? The legit fear I felt. I felt the danger and fear not only from myself but also from every person in that room.

How do I remember details in my dreams? I am not sure but every dream I have ever had I always remember. I have many I could share that felt real. Like the dream I had a few days after my mom died she had came to me in a dream and the hug she gave me felt so real that I could feel her cheek touching mine. I woke up crying that morning. Missing my mom more.

I know what you’re probably thinking. I must have watched a war movie last night and it caused my dream. No. Actually I watched a found footage movie of the Phoenix lights in 97 last night. It was about aliens. Very entertaining. But this dream came outta nowhere and I hope I don’t repeat it. I don’t want to know what happens.

Isolation- What a Special Needs Parent

Doesn’t need. I have experienced this myself among family, friends and total strangers. It’s the loneliest feeling on the planet and I have a few special needs moms that would agree. It hurts the soul. Let me give you an example. My dad had my siblings and their families over for dinner but not once was my family ever invited. Never mentioned it either in fact I had no clue until a sibling said something and it did bother me cause o know it’s becahse of Landon. Just like many parties or social events. It’s the reason I literally don’t care to go. Granted I missed a cousins wedding for my kid cause my kid wanted me there. I’m gonna choose my daughter first and foremost.

I was talking with a band mom before the homecoming football game about this very subject. Her sister is going through the same. Left out a lot and was never invited to functions let alone play dates. I told her I knew how that felt. I have lost friends. I have learned to isolate myself from everyone because I feel like I can’t relate to no one. She said that her sister has done the same and it’s sad. There is nothing like feeling that you don’t belong in a room full of people when you mention the fact that you have four kids and one is special needs. It’s like they make their fingers into a cross sign and get away as fast as they can. I literally felt that way last week talking to a few band moms.

It’s like your kid has a disease they’re afraid of catching. It pisses me off so much and I just want to go off sometimes. But I don’t. I walk away. Go to the stands  and wait for my kid to greet me in her marching band uniform. Honestly the mention of a special needs mom makes you see the true colors of people. Maybe they do it because they don’t know hoe to relate or what to say. Maybe their ignorance is getting the best of them. Maybe they feel sorry for me and don’t know how to express it in fear of offending me.

Here’s a clue. I’m a human being. Treat me like you would anyone else. You can talk to me I won’t bite. I have an eclectic taste in music and movies. I love history. Books. I could recommend some great books depending on your genre. I don’t know much about art but hey we can conversate about art or sculptures if you like. Hell even sports. Maybe not much baseball but I do like football and hockey. If you want to talk about everyday life and raising teenagers hey I’m down for that too.

I read the article the other day on this very subject. It’s sad that it’s even a subject. It’s ansolutely heartbreaking to know that many special needs parents feel the way I do. Why should it be that way? Just cause people can’t relate or feel sorry for us. Don’t. We don’t need sympathy for raising a child or children who won’t have the easiest life. What we need from you is a sense of belonging. If you can do that for a special needs parent it would make a huge impact. Trust me cause I always wish someone aside for my hisband was there for me.

To those who judge

To the women who felt the need to yell at me and call the Sheriffs Department on me today. Thanks for that. Thanks for showing me that there is judgmental ignorant people in this world. You yelled at me from your fancy cars. Feeling the need to distract me from my 14 year old teenaged boy who got our of our front yard. If you would've taken the time to listen to me through your unwanted shouting while you're driving down Cass Ave. You would've heard me say
MY SON IS SPECIAL NEEDS AND HES TRYING TO GET AWAY. HE HAS NO FEAR. HE DOESN'T SEE CARS AS DANGER. I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE HIM!!!But no instead you yell at me to let him go. Yeah let him go so you can watch him run into traffic and die. Right? Let him run in front of cars like he has done so many times. So many times we had to resort to alarms on all windows and doors and extra locks everywhere. We have to watch him like a hawk when we're outside cause you never know when hes gonna decide to book it for the busy road.You're so worried about me holding my kid down but I didn't see any of you pull over to ask maybe just maybe what was going on. No instead you call the Sheriffs department. The very sheriffs department that knows our kid who has ran from them many times across traffic without getting hurt. Yeah... You who watched me get kicked and slapped and hair pulled trying to keep him from getting away. Yeah YOU. YOU are the reason I hate people. You are the reason I feel like the human race is doomed. You who felt the need to judge me without knowing my story. I bet you couldn't walk a day in my shoes. You have no idea what I go through day in and day out and yet in a way I think you could care less. Maybe next time take the time to find out whats going on and help instead of judging a mom whose already being knocked to the ground. Cause today I felt not only the weight of my kid almost dying. But the weight of anger, sadness, hate and resentment. Bruised, broken and sick of life. Yet these are the SAME perfect people who criticize parents whose kids are on the autism spectrum that get out of the house and end miles away from home or hurt and sometimes dead. These are the same people who comment "WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?" Well I was one of those parents today. Trying my damndest to save my kid and you treated me like garbage you saw on the ground but instead of picking it up, you stepped on it anyway. I hope you don't receive the same treatment that you gave me.

In conclusion to this rant:
YOU can take your judgement and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

Sincerely,

Mom of a teenager on the spectrum who eloped today

My Finnish Roots

Part one:


When I was a kid I always wondered what my dads background was. I knew his mom, my grandma Aggie was Spanish and English but I didn't know anything about his dad. In fact his dad was a touchy subject. Still is to this day. 

I did get to meet Norman Chester Anderson. I only got to meet him once from what I remember. I remember being a little kid and my parents taking my siblings and I to his house, I remember my mom telling me to give my grandpa Anderson a hug and I remember looking at her like "I have a grandpa?" It wasn't a very long visit. I only remember looking up at him, giving him a hug and that's about the gist of it.

I never saw him again after that. My parents tried to get him to see us six kids. They tried to get him to be a part of our lives but he showed no interest and that was his and his wifes choice. They chose to not know us. Its sad. That I had a chance at having a grandpa (my moms dad died when she was 20) and he chose not to be our grandpa. So there is a lot of resentment there on my dads part. I can't say I blame him as Norman wasn't really a dad nor was he a grandfather. My grandma Aggie and my grandma Sarah were the only two grandparents I knew. So growing up I didn't know any cousins from the Anderson side at all. -

It was when I did a DNA test a few years ago that I learned that my dads dad Norman Chester Anderson was 100% Finnish. His father was Juho Emil Pyykko born on September 19 1892 in Muhos, Finland. His mother was Matilda Sihverintytär Pyykko. Matilda was born on July 6 1861 in Utajärvi, Finland. When Juho and his mother left Finland he was 15 years old. The family in Finland believe she left Finland with Juho because she was afraid that as soon as he came of age he would be put into the Russian army. After her husband died it was just her and Juho. There were family in Michigan that convinced her that she should leave and immigrate to Michigan for a better life. So Matilda and Juho made the journey from Northern Finland to Hanko, Finland to get on the ship Urania to head to Liverpool, England.

Who was Juho Emils father? That is unknown as his birth record doesn't show a father. It only shows his mother and godparents. 

This is Juho Emil Pyykko record of birth from Muhos, Finland 

On March 8, 1907, Matilda and John boarded the Urania and were on their way to England.

By September 8, 1907, they were at Liverpool, England.  They boarded the British ship called the Empress of Brittain.  

Detailed passenger information   

Last name  Pyykkö  

First names Matilda 
Age or age class  41
Port of departure  Hanko 

Place of destination  Quebec
State of destination  PQ

Country of destination CDN
Price of ticket  USD 41  

Ship from Finland  Urania
Date of departure from Finland  03.08.1907  

Ship from England  Empress of Britain 
Date of departure from England  09.08.1907   

Ocean Line  C.P.R. Line
Port of departure in England  *
List and page  59/43 

Its makes me wonder what my great grandfather was thinking when he was making this journey to America. A new country. A place where he has to learn a new language. A place that he would live in for the rest of his life. It makes me wonder what was going through his mind as a fifteen year old kid. 

This photo of Juho Emil was taken in Michigan

Matilda and Juho made their journey from Canada to Michigan. Matilda actually went by Tillie to many relatives here in Michigan. In the 1920 Federal Census, she lived with a cousin, Fredrika Hoppala.  She lived in Traverse City, Michigan behind a bar. She moved to the upper peninsula of Michigan to a town called Laurium. According to family who I have found told me that Matilda had a green thumb. She had gardens of vegetables, flowers and fruit trees. She smoked a pipe every night before bed and according to a cousin, Matilda never learned English. She only spoke Finnish. But she was a tiny and refined woman who chopped wood all the way into her 80s.

These are photos of my great great grandmother Matilda Pyykko. My cousin Carol graciously shared a treasure trove of photos with me.

Juho Emil Pyykko changed his name to John Emil Anderson. He served in the US Army and was a private in the air service for World War 1. The family believes he changed his name for the Army to Americanize it. When you look at the surname Pyykko you wouldn't know that its pronounced Boooka. This is his WW1 Draft record. Ignore his date of birth. Its wrong. 

Amazing how his mother moved him from Finland to prevent him from being thrown into the Russian army and here it shows he fought for a country he immigrated to many years before.

He was a man of many trades who loved photography and played the Kantele, a Finnish stringed instrument. He met and courted a Finnish girl by the name of Ellen Lyytikainen and for their first date he made her a pair of skis. This is a photo of John and Ellen on skis he made.

He fell in love with Ellen and asked her to marry him. They were married on May 25 1918 in Oneco, Houghton, Michigan. This is their marriage record. 

I remember the first time I saw their photo (courtesy of my cousin Carol) I was in absolute awe. I saw a photo of a lovely couple. This is the photo she shared with me. I was told it was originally on the wall in their house in Gay, Michigan.

And this one too

Before DNA I had no idea about my Finnish background. I didn't know where the Anderson family came from or what to expect. Then Ancestry showed my top ethnicities and Finland/Northwest Russia showed up at the top I was actually shocked. It was then I asked my friend aka adopted uncle Kaj Osterberg if he could help me with my search. He is the reason it all began and I always give him the credit because without him I wouldn't have had a clue how to start in Finland. When he found me on Myspace the first thing he told me was that I look like a Finnish girl. Who would've thought how right he was when it came to my background. He is the kindest man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He lives in Helsinki, he found me on Myspace because we share a common taste in music (Johnny Cash, Elvis, all the greats) and I am so happy he did. That was almost 12 years ago. I have never met him but for me he is family and that is why I call him my adopted uncle. He actually shares a ancestor with my mom. That was a great find!

I remember asking my grandma Aggie about Norman Chester Anderson. So one day she decided to share photos with me of them. 

This is a photo of Agnes Evangeline Vasquez and Norman Chester Anderson, my grandparents. I believe she said this was before they were married. They were married on July 2 1946 in Pontiac, Michigan. Norman was 22 and Agnes was 20. 

Another photo of Norman and Agnes Anderson with my aunt Janice.

I believe she told me that they were introduced to each other by a friend and they started dating. Then they married and had four kids, Janice, Gary, Norman and Johnny.

My dad and his siblings were raised Jehovah Witness. My dad was disfellowshipped and was estranged from his dad. He ended up leaving home and my grandma Sarah and grandpa Junnie ended up taking him in. That is where the story of my parents begin. It was with my mothers parents that my dad learned what love was. He learned how to hug. Say I love you. He learned a lot from them. My mom used to talk about how she didn't like him in school. But it was after he started to live with them was when he grew on her. We used to laugh at that story. Then they got married (mom was 20 and dad was 19) on June 6 1970 in Livingston County, Michigan.

My parents high school photos


Sarah Elnora Johnson                                                                                Norman C Anderson

                          

                                                                                     

Norman C Anderson, my dad was a blond when he was a kid. I didn't believe it until my grandma Aggie showed me a photo of him. It was crazy seeing him with blond hair. Gotta love how genetics change.

My dad doesn't like to talk about his dad. He does sometimes mention his grandpa John, Says he remembers him speaking in Finnish. He only got to see him a few times I believe seeing as John lived in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and my dad lived in Detroit. He remembers going into the sauna with his cousins and jumping in the lake after. Its a Finnish thing.

Ever since I started this genealogy and DNA journey I have learned a lot. I have learned about a country I had no idea I had a connection to. I learned how some Finns changed their surnames whenever they moved and I learned that researching Finnish ancestry can be rewarding and frustrating. Which why this is gonna be a part one of many. Cause there is a lot to share. I hope hope you enjoyed this so far because this is where I finally belong. I no longer question my ancestry on my dads side because here it is in photos and stories.

Face it folks.. DNA doesn't lie

I get a email from ancestry saying I have a new message. I open it to find a message that says

“ hello, I’m messaging you cause we are a dna match and I hope you don’t call me the n word or reject me like other cousins I have messaged. I just want to know more about my ancestry. I’m not trying to start trouble. But yes I am black and I am saddened by some of the messages I get. I hope you will message me back but if not I’ll understand.“

This message made me sad and angry for him. So I messaged him back.

Hello cousin! I’m happy you messaged me and I’m so sorry for all the ignorance and hateful unwarranted messages you have received. It’s their loss not yours and sadly your gonna come across those who deny their ancestors took part in slavery. I’m white and I have had my fair share of arguments with cousins about it. Knowing full well that our ancestors were from the south, had plantations and slave records from their land clearly show it. Not that it’s anything to be proud of, trust me the first record I came across made me sick for days.But to deny the dark past of American history is pretty much a slap in the face to the many descendants of all the souls that survived that horrible ordeal. I have dealt with many who don't care to relive the past yet if we don't learn from it we're doomed to repeat it right? I am sorry that they are in denial and are only making themselves look bad. Especially calling you the n word. I'm shaking my head on that one. You don't deserve that. You're not the n word. Their ignorance speaks volumes on the people they are.

With that said I will never talk down to you and I'll show you the same respect that I would want in return. So hello cousin, I'm am all for figuring out our relation and I hope you don't let the ignorance of others make you steer clear of doing your research. My mom used to say all the time "a cousin is a cousin no matter the distance." I gotta admit reading your message made me pretty angry for you. The audacity of some people is astounding. 

I just got another notification after I messaged him from ancestry that said

hello cousin! Thank you so much you have no idea how much you have made my morning. I cannot stop smiling right now. Thank you for the acknowledgement and understanding. For the message too. I am so glad I messaged you and don't worry I won't stop. But you are right its their loss. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so glad I took the leap and messaged you. 

I messaged him back that he didn't need to thank me. I'm only doing what I came to ancestry for. I wanted to find family. Extend myself out there. I wanted to find out my moms roots and see what the secrets were that her family was hiding. I am happy to help in anyway with his research and honestly I told him:

To deny the fact that my ancestors owned slaves would be a travesty. If you deny what your ancestors did than you deny the descendants from knowing where they came from, from knowing their ancestors struggles and deny them of ever knowing the truth. 

I'm not about to do that. Its not right. I would rather know my cousins from all walks of life than to continue to show ignorance that unfortunately may never leave this world. I was raised to accept people for who they are on the inside not on the out. There is far more to a person than the color of their skin. I live up to that. I'm teaching my children that. So we're cousins. We share DNA. We share an ancestor. If they don't like it than that is on them but please know that not all of your cousins feel like them. 

I'm not going to call you the n word or treat you as if you're below me because of the color of your skin. You treat those with the same respect you wish to be treated. 

DNA shows that I have a many times great grandfather that had slaves and had non consensual relations with female slaves and in return they had descendants. Those descendants share DNA with me which makes them my cousin. Anybody who denies them clearly doesn't understand how DNA works and are only hurting their chances of knowing some really great people. We can't change the past but we can make it right.

I'm all for making it right.

DNA doesn't lie. 

Would you accept?

The other day a friend messaged me for some advice. Her daughter sat down with her and told my friend that she is in love with a girl. She wasn't shocked by it because she had always known her daughter found girls attractive. When her daughter was little she would point out little girls and talk about how beautiful they were. In a way she feels torn because her daughter is her only child but on the other hand she is okay with it and adores the girl that her daughter is in love with. But she asked me if I would accept it if one of my kids came out as gay. Would I accept them?

My answer is yes. If one of my twin sons or daughter sat me down and told me that they were into guys or girls I would totally accept it. Why? How could I not? I would be getting in the way of their happiness. If I didn't support them I would be showing them that its shameful to love who they love. I can't do that. I love my kids with my whole heart. If they want to be with someone from the same sex than I think they should do what makes them happy. I would accept it because love is love. 

Would I be shocked? Of course I would because my daughter is totally attracted to Asian boys and my boys love girls. When I say love I mean LOVE. They're totally into girls of all walks of life. They get embarrassed about it sometimes but trust me my son Gavin says he wants a girl like Beyonce, sassy, beautiful with some spice. Makes me laugh I swear. Brennan has a crush on a little girl at school but refuses to tell me her name because he says "she doesn't know I like her and I want to keep it that way". Its so cute how embarrassed he gets when it comes to girls. Hes in the "denial" stage. I remember those days. 

I was asked last year about how I would feel if my boys or daughter brought home a "minority" girlfriend or boyfriend? I told them that I would not have a problem with it. If they fall for someone who isn't white who am I to tell them that they can't be with that person? Yes I am mom. But honestly I would be a hypocrite if I didn't accept because my first love was black. I was 15 when I met him. We would hang out and watch movies. For me James was a person. His skin color didn't matter. Just like it shouldn't matter for my kids. If they want to love who they love than I'll be happy for them. No matter if its a same sex relationship or a relationship with a minority. As long as they're happy that is all that matters to me.

I gotta say though that if my boys do end up marrying feisty, beautiful women like Beyonce I hope they can handle them. Cause women like that don't play and they aren't afraid to show it.        

So would I accept my kids on who they love? Absolutely. If you don't accept it you're denying who they are and showing them that how they feel is wrong. Its not. Love is a beautiful thing that we as humans get to experience. Let them have their happiness and experience love with whoever they want. They only get one life... Let them live it. 

See it from their perspective

When it comes to raising a kid on the spectrum. We can't really tell what they're thinking. How they're feeling. Its basically a guessing game. Unless your child is high functioning and is able to express their feelings in their own way. My son Landon is non verbal. He can say some words but he cannot express to me why hes angry. In many ways he shows that hes angry as a way of expressing the frustration he is feeling and in those moments I just do what I can to get through because that is the downside of autism.

You gotta see it from their perspective and remember that if they could express their feelings through speech I'm sure we would hear a earful.

You have moments of frustration and moments of wanting to run and hide. Yes its rough dealing with the meltdowns, the screaming, the hitting, headbutting and hair pulling. Trust me it hurts like hell. But think about what they're going through. A lot of kids on the spectrum can't express that they're sad or angry so how do they show it? That's right.. Through meltdowns. There have been moments where Landon will meltdown at the drop of the hat and I'm bracing for hits, hair pulls and sometimes even headbutts. But I have learned to redirect his meltdowns with songs, tickles and even making dumb noises. Yes surprisingly it works. His laugh is so contagious I literally laugh with him. It never fails. But that doesn't mean it works with other children on the spectrum or in my case teenager on the spectrum.

I have had many discussions with parents whose kids are on the spectrum and I gotta say. I share their frustration. I know how they feel when it comes to the chaos that comes out of nowhere.But I also understand that my son Landon doesn't have the social skills to tell me that hes mad. He can't tell me whats setting him off. He can only express his anger through the only way he knows how and most of the time he takes it out on himself. I can't stand to watch my kid hit himself, punch himself and even bang his head. So I have resorted to figuring out ways to getting him out of his frustration. 

I think if you can find a song that calms them down, counting, singing, tickling and maybe even toys, noises or lights that they enjoy. If you can work on getting them out of their meltdowns.. It makes it so much easier to cope. Its something I learned over time. Even a hand held massager works on Landon. I have found that the vibration distracts him. Then again he is also cognitive impaired. He has a sensory delay so he enjoys the vibrations. 

As I have told other parents that it depends on the kid and what helps soothes them. Every kid on the spectrum is different. Some don't like to be touched. Some can't handle noise. I think if parents took the time to figure out what calms their kids down it would help. As I have learned its takes time to figure out the quirks of what makes them happy. Once you figure it out you definitely have to change it up.

I can say that raising Landon has been a big learning experience. I have learned more compassion and understanding. Raising him has made me a better person. I think it has shown me how cruel the world can actually be by people who don't understand and their ignorance shows. Its very disheartening but at the same time it helps me raise my other three kids to be the opposite. Not to judge. To show understanding and to never mistreat someone who is different that them. To be a great example to show the people that its okay that their brother is different but he is still a person. I am proud to say that my kids do just that everyday. 

An upside of autism is the smiles, the laughs, the unconditional love they show in their own special way. I wouldn't trade Landons smile or contagious laugh for another kid. Hes been Landon since the day he was born. Regardless of his autism. I don't think I could live without him and his quirks. I have learned so much from our special little man. 

If we all took the time to see the side of their world it would make it easier to understand why they lash out. How they feel. As a mom of a child on the spectrum I can honestly say that I wish I could put a voice into Landon. But that doesn't mean I want to change him. I just want him to be able to say I'm angry mom and this is why..

Never apologize to a parent with a special needs child or teen

Seriously... Just don't. There is never a good time to say "I am so sorry your son has autism and cognitive impairment. I cannot imagine what that must be like." Of course you can't. But understand.. As a mom who has known her son has been special needs since the womb there is nothing more I want to hear than I am sorry.

Don't be sorry. I don't need your sympathy. I don't need you to make it seem like because I am a parent of a "special needs child" that my life is over. Trust me when I say that it isn't. Do I wish the challenges and everyday chaos that ensues was easier? Hell yeah.

My son Landon is fourteen years old. He's strong, hyper active and very much a busy body. There are some days I run on empty. Coffee is my best friend a lot. But raising him I have learned so much. I have learned about compassion, activism and how to use my voice. Before I had kids I was a shy person. Never spoke up. Always kept to myself. Never really put myself out there. I liked being a loner. A quiet person. Then I got married and had kids and all that changed.

I advocate for all four of my kids. When my daughter was being bullied in middle school I called the school right away and spoke to the principal and the social worker because when my daughter gets to the point she doesn't want to go to school we have a problem. That problem was fixed. She got through it and now shes in high school and has so many friends that I can't keep track of names half the time.

I did the same for my twins and I do the same for Landon. Even though he goes to autism impaired school I have had my fair share of dealing with teachers and staff. He has had great teachers and some that would make me go off because they have no business being a special needs teacher. I have even had my fair share of moments with doctors too like Landons first pediatrician. This man is supposedly one of the best in the state of Michigan yet he kept telling us that Landon was just being lazy. That he needed to be put in a sitting position on the couch or the chair. That he didn't need a neurologist and got pissed off and dropped our kids as patients as soon as he found out that we got a neurologist anyway. Who by the way did their job, ran tests and even diagnosed Landon with motor apraxia. Guess what. No matter how much we tried to follow the "pediatricians" advice he didn't get better, It took a neuro and the MIPP program to get Landon to sit up, crawl and eventually walk.

It really bugs me when people apologize for your son or daughter because they're special needs. Yes we go through so much more but we also learn to cope and push through the challenges cause we have to. No one else is gonna make sure that they get a somewhat normal life like we do. Its either let them slip or fight for them and I don't know about other parents but I'm gonna fight for Landon every step of the way.

Sure its not peachy. There are days where I want to hide from everyone. But then what good does that do? It doesn't help him or his siblings if mama wants to run and hide. I suck it up and face it head on. You can't raise a special needs child or in my case teen with the mentality of running away. Cause whose gonna be their advocate? Who is gonna fight for them? Who is gonna be there when the public is not so nice and understanding? I will.

And with the public you have to bite your tongue a lot. I have never in my life disliked people in general until I became a parent of a special needs child. All those "friends" you had are gone. MIA. You take your son or daughter out to the store or into the community and you deal with the stares, the comments and the downright animosity because your kid is "different". I had a lady tell me at the park that our son had no business being there like he had aids or a contagious disease that will be spread to every kid there. It took everything in me not to yell at her in front of her kid. Instead I simply said to her "I feel sorry that your kids are being raised by a person like you" then I walked away. I don't know how other parents feel when it comes to raising their special needs kids. But I can say that it really opens your eyes to how the world REALLY is when a person finds out your kid is special needs.

We don't want to hear "I'm sorry", "Oh no that's terrible" or my all time cringe worthy phrase "you poor thing, its too bad that your son can't be normal" As if being "normal" is so great anyway. Cause let me tell you. Some "normal" people show the ugly inside when they look at your kid like hes carrying the plague and will kill off the human race. And I'm not exaggerating that. The death stares that my kid has received would make you think that the Terminator was real. Seriously...

Look at his face.. Hes a happy go lucky kid who is always smiling. Hes just so awesome <3

So please the next time you have a conversation with a special needs parent or a parent with a deaf child or blind child do not apologize. Instead show them some compassion. Some understanding and take the time to listen to their struggle. Just talk to them. Cause like you, we like to have someone to talk to. We like the interaction even if its about the weather, sports or maybe whats going on in the world.