Autism - Exposing your kid to the world

I am writing this as a blog about my own thoughts and experiences as a mom with a kid/teen on the spectrum. I am in no way shape or form shaming parents. I feel like we all have our own ways of raising our kids. But I am gonna express a message I received last night about my son.

How can you take him on vacation or trips? Aren't you afraid what people will say or do? Don't you want to shelter him from the public? There is no way I could do that. My family doesn't do anything like that because we don't want people to stare or question. We don't want to face the public. I don't know how your family does it. 

I have to say that I am not gonna judge because not every family has the same relation to the broad spectrum. As her son is more higher functioning than Landon but still tends to have meltdowns. He can talk. Whereas my son doesn't. He makes noises, screeches and yells but its mostly mumbles. 

How can we take him on vacation or trips? Why not? Landon is a part of our family. Hes our kid. I didn't carry him for nine months and fed, bathed and change (still do) him everyday just to exclude him from the same experiences his non special needs siblings have. He has every right to experience vacations to Louisiana and the Great Lakes as we do. Road trips are the best! He got to experience the ocean for the first time last summer and guess what? HE LOVED IT!. Not so much the taste of it but he loved the waves crashing into him. He loved the different foods he got to try. He had a meltdown in the French Quarter but we redirected that quickly and he was fine. He did great on that trip and we were so proud of him.

He did awesome in Gettysburg, Washington D.C, Baltimore, Fort McHenry and Valley Forge too. Granted he did try to go for a swim in the Potomac River. Just last weekend he got to experience Lake Michigan for the first time and screamed because it was so cold. We did our first ever camping trip and took the kids up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan where he got to see waterfalls, more lakes and the Soo Locks. He did great and we never once had a meltdown or issue. Why? Cause hes used to being out in public. We have been taking him out and experiencing the public since he was diagnosed at 2. This past Saturday we all went to downtown Detroit and guess what? He did great. No meltdowns. All smiles. Even said HI! to multiple people passing by and nobody stared at him or judged him. 

We have never sheltered him no matter how ugly the public can be. Trust me when I say we dealt with our fair share of UGLY from the public. Stares. Comments. No matter what you do its gonna happen. The best thing you can do about it is to tell yourself that "that's the reflection of who they are as a person" and not your son or daughter. I have learned that when people stare I stare back and I mean I STARE right back at them. To the point that they feel uncomfortable. I find it amusing actually. But you gotta do it sometimes. As a parent we have to protect our kids. But we also have to get them used to the world. The world can be a scary place. But it also can be a great place. 

Sheltering them in my opinion only prevents them from experiencing the good things that we all get to enjoy. Special needs or not. A kid should experience life. Sheltering is not living. Its surviving.

To those who judge

To the women who felt the need to yell at me and call the Sheriffs Department on me today. Thanks for that. Thanks for showing me that there is judgmental ignorant people in this world. You yelled at me from your fancy cars. Feeling the need to distract me from my 14 year old teenaged boy who got our of our front yard. If you would've taken the time to listen to me through your unwanted shouting while you're driving down Cass Ave. You would've heard me say
MY SON IS SPECIAL NEEDS AND HES TRYING TO GET AWAY. HE HAS NO FEAR. HE DOESN'T SEE CARS AS DANGER. I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE HIM!!!But no instead you yell at me to let him go. Yeah let him go so you can watch him run into traffic and die. Right? Let him run in front of cars like he has done so many times. So many times we had to resort to alarms on all windows and doors and extra locks everywhere. We have to watch him like a hawk when we're outside cause you never know when hes gonna decide to book it for the busy road.You're so worried about me holding my kid down but I didn't see any of you pull over to ask maybe just maybe what was going on. No instead you call the Sheriffs department. The very sheriffs department that knows our kid who has ran from them many times across traffic without getting hurt. Yeah... You who watched me get kicked and slapped and hair pulled trying to keep him from getting away. Yeah YOU. YOU are the reason I hate people. You are the reason I feel like the human race is doomed. You who felt the need to judge me without knowing my story. I bet you couldn't walk a day in my shoes. You have no idea what I go through day in and day out and yet in a way I think you could care less. Maybe next time take the time to find out whats going on and help instead of judging a mom whose already being knocked to the ground. Cause today I felt not only the weight of my kid almost dying. But the weight of anger, sadness, hate and resentment. Bruised, broken and sick of life. Yet these are the SAME perfect people who criticize parents whose kids are on the autism spectrum that get out of the house and end miles away from home or hurt and sometimes dead. These are the same people who comment "WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?" Well I was one of those parents today. Trying my damndest to save my kid and you treated me like garbage you saw on the ground but instead of picking it up, you stepped on it anyway. I hope you don't receive the same treatment that you gave me.

In conclusion to this rant:
YOU can take your judgement and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

Sincerely,

Mom of a teenager on the spectrum who eloped today

See it from their perspective

When it comes to raising a kid on the spectrum. We can't really tell what they're thinking. How they're feeling. Its basically a guessing game. Unless your child is high functioning and is able to express their feelings in their own way. My son Landon is non verbal. He can say some words but he cannot express to me why hes angry. In many ways he shows that hes angry as a way of expressing the frustration he is feeling and in those moments I just do what I can to get through because that is the downside of autism.

You gotta see it from their perspective and remember that if they could express their feelings through speech I'm sure we would hear a earful.

You have moments of frustration and moments of wanting to run and hide. Yes its rough dealing with the meltdowns, the screaming, the hitting, headbutting and hair pulling. Trust me it hurts like hell. But think about what they're going through. A lot of kids on the spectrum can't express that they're sad or angry so how do they show it? That's right.. Through meltdowns. There have been moments where Landon will meltdown at the drop of the hat and I'm bracing for hits, hair pulls and sometimes even headbutts. But I have learned to redirect his meltdowns with songs, tickles and even making dumb noises. Yes surprisingly it works. His laugh is so contagious I literally laugh with him. It never fails. But that doesn't mean it works with other children on the spectrum or in my case teenager on the spectrum.

I have had many discussions with parents whose kids are on the spectrum and I gotta say. I share their frustration. I know how they feel when it comes to the chaos that comes out of nowhere.But I also understand that my son Landon doesn't have the social skills to tell me that hes mad. He can't tell me whats setting him off. He can only express his anger through the only way he knows how and most of the time he takes it out on himself. I can't stand to watch my kid hit himself, punch himself and even bang his head. So I have resorted to figuring out ways to getting him out of his frustration. 

I think if you can find a song that calms them down, counting, singing, tickling and maybe even toys, noises or lights that they enjoy. If you can work on getting them out of their meltdowns.. It makes it so much easier to cope. Its something I learned over time. Even a hand held massager works on Landon. I have found that the vibration distracts him. Then again he is also cognitive impaired. He has a sensory delay so he enjoys the vibrations. 

As I have told other parents that it depends on the kid and what helps soothes them. Every kid on the spectrum is different. Some don't like to be touched. Some can't handle noise. I think if parents took the time to figure out what calms their kids down it would help. As I have learned its takes time to figure out the quirks of what makes them happy. Once you figure it out you definitely have to change it up.

I can say that raising Landon has been a big learning experience. I have learned more compassion and understanding. Raising him has made me a better person. I think it has shown me how cruel the world can actually be by people who don't understand and their ignorance shows. Its very disheartening but at the same time it helps me raise my other three kids to be the opposite. Not to judge. To show understanding and to never mistreat someone who is different that them. To be a great example to show the people that its okay that their brother is different but he is still a person. I am proud to say that my kids do just that everyday. 

An upside of autism is the smiles, the laughs, the unconditional love they show in their own special way. I wouldn't trade Landons smile or contagious laugh for another kid. Hes been Landon since the day he was born. Regardless of his autism. I don't think I could live without him and his quirks. I have learned so much from our special little man. 

If we all took the time to see the side of their world it would make it easier to understand why they lash out. How they feel. As a mom of a child on the spectrum I can honestly say that I wish I could put a voice into Landon. But that doesn't mean I want to change him. I just want him to be able to say I'm angry mom and this is why..

Autism & Halloween

Halloween is my most favorite holiday. I absolutely look forward to it every year. Not because I get to see my kiddos dressed up. Even though I love it. I just feel a strong connection to all Hallows Eve. I believe my Celtic ancestors have something to do with that. Even though for them it wasn't about dressing up and partying or giving candy to little kids. It was a spiritual and a deeper meaning. 

Halloween is a day we get to celebrate and have fun. But also keep in mind that its also the day where autistic children don't understand the fuss. My son Landon for instance could care less about dressing up. Whereas his sister and his twin brothers are stoked about getting tons of candy. For Landon its just another day. Finding a costume for him is a chore. Every year we struggle to find a costume that doesn't require a hat or mask. It seems like every costume has them. So last year I put together a Incredible Hulk costume for him and it worked out. The only time we found a hat he would wear was when he was Jimmy Johnson (Nascar driver) for Halloween one year. It was cute. 


The biggest struggle is understanding from people. That's the thing. Some people don't and we would spend a lot of time explaining why Landon didn't want to walk up to get candy. How Landon would sit down on the porch in meltdown mode because he was overwhelmed by all the children. Or the time he grabbed a handful when he didn't understand to grab one and a woman flipped out. Only to have a person on the next house over give him three handfuls because she heard the woman saying we didn't need to be taking him trick or treating because hes special needs. That was a couple of years ago. Now every year we go to the same neighborhood and the people in it have never given us strife. They are very understanding of the fact that Landon is special needs. He was first diagnosed with cognitive impairment then autism. So hes twelve years old with the mindset half his age. He has learned to only take one piece of candy though. Especially his favorite Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. That's pretty much the only thing he will eat in his bag and while his sister and brothers go through their candy in weeks. Last pillow case lasted six months. Mainly because hes not a big candy eater and wasn't eating any of it. 

What I really want to say is I wish there was a way to spread awareness to everyone passing out candy to be mindful of the child that comes to their door. That not every kid is gonna understand to take one piece. Not every kid is gonna walk up in a costume they find cute or scary. I saw a special needs boy dressed up as a businessman last year because he loves suits and didn't want to wear a costume. I told his mom "hey whatever works for him." He was happy and that's all that matters. Landon was the incredible hulk but didn't wear green makeup on his face because he would've spent the entire time wanting us to rub it off. So we opted not to do it. 

I wish we could spread awareness to not pass judgement on the parents who are trying their best to get their kid off the ground because he or she is in straight up meltdown mode. If you don't know what it takes to calm down an autistic child while they're trying to harm themself keep your opinion and judgement to yourself. Try walking in our shoes for one day and see how quickly those opinions stop. Its not easy. Its not easy trying to explain to grown people what is wrong with my son. I actually became resentful of people in public because of it. The stares, the whispering and the comments is the reason so many friends of mine don't want to take their kids out in public because it embarrasses them when their kid has a meltdown. Whereas I don't care. My kid goes into meltdown mode and you want to stare or make a comment? Prepare to hear me say something you might not like. 

I'm hoping we have a successful Halloween again this year. Trick or treating is supposed to be fun, Halloween is supposed to be fun. As adults we all should show some understand and awareness that even though some on the spectrum don't truly grasp what is going on that there is a feeling of excitement there. In fact Landon got the hang of trick or treating when he realized they were putting the "good candy" in his pillow case. After that he was going to every door with a smile on his face. Made the cold rainy night in Michigan worth it. 

This Halloween please by mindful of the kids who are different. Don't ridicule them. Don't ridicule the parents when they're trying their best and most of all don't pass judgement. Don't make the family of a special needs or kid on the autism spectrum feel unwelcomed because you don't understand why the kid is flapping his hands or quirky behaviors. Its part of the spectrum we parents deal with and honestly I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know other parents feel opposite and wish their kid was normal but I see it as a part of Landon. Take it away and he wouldn't be Landon. He would be a totally different kid and of course autism doesn't define him but its a part of him. A part that I accepted since day one. 

What is Landon going to dress up as for Halloween? We have no idea. Any suggestions are welcomed as long as they don't involve a mask. 

I didn't know autism had a look?

I took a hiatus from facebook because I have had a cold for almost a week. It got worse on Thursday and I am finally starting to feel like myself again. I can taste coffee again (YAY ME!). This blog isn't about me being sick though. Its about a post I saw on a mommy group on facebook last week before I took my hiatus. It really irked me. 

I am in a lot of mommy groups on facebook. Don't comment much on them. Mostly keep to myself. Its the Finn in me I suppose. So I usually just read posts and move on. But last week a lady posted about how her friends kid didn't "look" autistic. Which got me to wondering what she meant by it. So I questioned her and she said "well you know.. Special needs kids have a certain look and my friends son looks normal..." I couldn't help but shake my head. I told her that if her friend is concerned that her son is showing the signs of autism that she should have him evaluated. Depending on his age that early intervention would benefit her friends kid. 

I also made it a point to tell her that autistic or special needs kids do not have a specific look about them. Down syndrome children yes. But autistic children "look" like normal kids. The only difference is they have quirks. My son Landon for instance. He was diagnosed with motor apraxia at twelve months old by his neurologist. His motor skills were delayed and he didn't sit up, crawl or walk like most babies would his age. So we went through many tests. Brain scans etc to find out what was wrong with him and that's when we were recommended that we put him through the early on program. At twelve months old Landon did physical and occupational therapies 2-3 times a week. All the way till he turned three years old when he graduated from the program. He made such great progress he took his first steps a few days shy of his second birthday. We were told by his pediatrician that day would never come. It was after his second birthday he was diagnosed with autism even though the neurologist and psychologist were convinced before his diagnoses that he was autistic. He had all the signs. Stared off into space. No eye contact. Repetitive behavior. Self harm. No communication whatsoever. But they weren't comfortable with diagnosing him until he turned two. 

Landon didn't speak for eight years of his life. His pediatrician called him the "silent kid" and although we did everything to get him to show interest in words it never stuck. Not until my twins started talking. Once they started talking and putting words together (they had to have speech therapy too because of their "twin talk") he showed interest in making sounds. He started picking up things from his baby brothers. Showing interest in what they were doing. He would try to mimic what they said. It was amazing to watch. Here's Landon the big brother looking up to his little twin brothers. It was like watching a record repeat itself over and over again. He started to show interest at speech therapy too. Finally giving the teacher what she was working so hard for. I still say to this day I don't think my twins were the motivation first though. It was after my mom died that I swear a light bulb went off in his head. He was more aware. He showed interest in his siblings. He wanted to cuddle and watch movies and just be around his family. It was like he changed after my mom died but changed for the better.

It wasn't until we took him to the doctor (pediatrician) that we didn't realize the real change in him. Usually he hates doctors offices. They're too small and once the door closes he goes into claustrophobic mode. He cannot handle a room the size of an walk in closet. So we knew as soon as the door opened he was gonna flip. Try and get out the door and just not have any of it. But to our surprise he sat there all cheerful like nothing could ruin his day. It was when the doctor walked in that we knew he was a different kid. Usually Landon never acknowledged people not even the doctor. So when the doctor came in he usually does his "hey Landon how are you?" Then turns to us to ask the usual. Well not this time. When he walked through the door.. Landon looked up, smiled and said "HI. How are you?" Dr Grover looked at us and said "did he just talk?" with tears in his eyes. We all sat there pretty much in awe that our Landon was changing. Changing for the better.

Now at age twelve he is in the autism impaired program.and goes to a school specialized in autistic kids. He has learned to love music. He has learned singing songs. He has learned a love for numbers and we have taught him how to say his name. How to count to 20 so far and he also knows his ABC's. He asks questions and loves saying "HI, Good morning!" even if its afternoon or night time. He loves to interact and has opened up to more social gatherings than in the past. Before we could only stay 20-45 minutes tops. Now he will last at the zoo for 3-4 hours. But it took a lot of hard work to get where he is and hes doing amazing. We're so proud of him and the progress he has made thanks to many people. 

In the photo below you can see that Landon looks like a normal kid with a smile on his face. But when you meet Landon you can see by his mannerisms that hes not a typical twelve year old kid. He has motor delays and can't hold a conversation. He is however starting to become socialized and has coped with the world on his own pace. We take him out in public and most of the time the meltdowns have subsided. He doesn't throw himself down in aisles in a store or on the ground at places as much as he used to. It seems like he has matured a lot. He doesn't have the understanding of social cues just yet but working with him we believe he will get there. We have also learned when hes in meltdown mode to reinforce it with positive influence like his favorite songs on youtube, tickling or even singing the numbers song and he will stop and try to interact too forgetting the fact he was upset minutes before. He also loves to spend his time lining up his semi trucks and school buses. Lining up his emergency cars and trucks that light up, sirens going off. He isn't a typical twelve year old that has friends. He doesn't have friends. He doesn't play video games. He doesn't do what twelve year olds do. But he knows he is loved. He knows he has a family that has his back and he knows we're determined and have fought for how far he has become and will continue to do so just so he can have a good life. Landon is a kid that has made me a better person through and through. He doesn't look special needs but he is and hes living proof that with support and determination you can get far. Wouldn't trade him for anything even with the daily struggles of raising a special needs child.