Autism - Exposing your kid to the world

I am writing this as a blog about my own thoughts and experiences as a mom with a kid/teen on the spectrum. I am in no way shape or form shaming parents. I feel like we all have our own ways of raising our kids. But I am gonna express a message I received last night about my son.

How can you take him on vacation or trips? Aren't you afraid what people will say or do? Don't you want to shelter him from the public? There is no way I could do that. My family doesn't do anything like that because we don't want people to stare or question. We don't want to face the public. I don't know how your family does it. 

I have to say that I am not gonna judge because not every family has the same relation to the broad spectrum. As her son is more higher functioning than Landon but still tends to have meltdowns. He can talk. Whereas my son doesn't. He makes noises, screeches and yells but its mostly mumbles. 

How can we take him on vacation or trips? Why not? Landon is a part of our family. Hes our kid. I didn't carry him for nine months and fed, bathed and change (still do) him everyday just to exclude him from the same experiences his non special needs siblings have. He has every right to experience vacations to Louisiana and the Great Lakes as we do. Road trips are the best! He got to experience the ocean for the first time last summer and guess what? HE LOVED IT!. Not so much the taste of it but he loved the waves crashing into him. He loved the different foods he got to try. He had a meltdown in the French Quarter but we redirected that quickly and he was fine. He did great on that trip and we were so proud of him.

He did awesome in Gettysburg, Washington D.C, Baltimore, Fort McHenry and Valley Forge too. Granted he did try to go for a swim in the Potomac River. Just last weekend he got to experience Lake Michigan for the first time and screamed because it was so cold. We did our first ever camping trip and took the kids up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan where he got to see waterfalls, more lakes and the Soo Locks. He did great and we never once had a meltdown or issue. Why? Cause hes used to being out in public. We have been taking him out and experiencing the public since he was diagnosed at 2. This past Saturday we all went to downtown Detroit and guess what? He did great. No meltdowns. All smiles. Even said HI! to multiple people passing by and nobody stared at him or judged him. 

We have never sheltered him no matter how ugly the public can be. Trust me when I say we dealt with our fair share of UGLY from the public. Stares. Comments. No matter what you do its gonna happen. The best thing you can do about it is to tell yourself that "that's the reflection of who they are as a person" and not your son or daughter. I have learned that when people stare I stare back and I mean I STARE right back at them. To the point that they feel uncomfortable. I find it amusing actually. But you gotta do it sometimes. As a parent we have to protect our kids. But we also have to get them used to the world. The world can be a scary place. But it also can be a great place. 

Sheltering them in my opinion only prevents them from experiencing the good things that we all get to enjoy. Special needs or not. A kid should experience life. Sheltering is not living. Its surviving.

See it from their perspective

When it comes to raising a kid on the spectrum. We can't really tell what they're thinking. How they're feeling. Its basically a guessing game. Unless your child is high functioning and is able to express their feelings in their own way. My son Landon is non verbal. He can say some words but he cannot express to me why hes angry. In many ways he shows that hes angry as a way of expressing the frustration he is feeling and in those moments I just do what I can to get through because that is the downside of autism.

You gotta see it from their perspective and remember that if they could express their feelings through speech I'm sure we would hear a earful.

You have moments of frustration and moments of wanting to run and hide. Yes its rough dealing with the meltdowns, the screaming, the hitting, headbutting and hair pulling. Trust me it hurts like hell. But think about what they're going through. A lot of kids on the spectrum can't express that they're sad or angry so how do they show it? That's right.. Through meltdowns. There have been moments where Landon will meltdown at the drop of the hat and I'm bracing for hits, hair pulls and sometimes even headbutts. But I have learned to redirect his meltdowns with songs, tickles and even making dumb noises. Yes surprisingly it works. His laugh is so contagious I literally laugh with him. It never fails. But that doesn't mean it works with other children on the spectrum or in my case teenager on the spectrum.

I have had many discussions with parents whose kids are on the spectrum and I gotta say. I share their frustration. I know how they feel when it comes to the chaos that comes out of nowhere.But I also understand that my son Landon doesn't have the social skills to tell me that hes mad. He can't tell me whats setting him off. He can only express his anger through the only way he knows how and most of the time he takes it out on himself. I can't stand to watch my kid hit himself, punch himself and even bang his head. So I have resorted to figuring out ways to getting him out of his frustration. 

I think if you can find a song that calms them down, counting, singing, tickling and maybe even toys, noises or lights that they enjoy. If you can work on getting them out of their meltdowns.. It makes it so much easier to cope. Its something I learned over time. Even a hand held massager works on Landon. I have found that the vibration distracts him. Then again he is also cognitive impaired. He has a sensory delay so he enjoys the vibrations. 

As I have told other parents that it depends on the kid and what helps soothes them. Every kid on the spectrum is different. Some don't like to be touched. Some can't handle noise. I think if parents took the time to figure out what calms their kids down it would help. As I have learned its takes time to figure out the quirks of what makes them happy. Once you figure it out you definitely have to change it up.

I can say that raising Landon has been a big learning experience. I have learned more compassion and understanding. Raising him has made me a better person. I think it has shown me how cruel the world can actually be by people who don't understand and their ignorance shows. Its very disheartening but at the same time it helps me raise my other three kids to be the opposite. Not to judge. To show understanding and to never mistreat someone who is different that them. To be a great example to show the people that its okay that their brother is different but he is still a person. I am proud to say that my kids do just that everyday. 

An upside of autism is the smiles, the laughs, the unconditional love they show in their own special way. I wouldn't trade Landons smile or contagious laugh for another kid. Hes been Landon since the day he was born. Regardless of his autism. I don't think I could live without him and his quirks. I have learned so much from our special little man. 

If we all took the time to see the side of their world it would make it easier to understand why they lash out. How they feel. As a mom of a child on the spectrum I can honestly say that I wish I could put a voice into Landon. But that doesn't mean I want to change him. I just want him to be able to say I'm angry mom and this is why..