Autism - Exposing your kid to the world

I am writing this as a blog about my own thoughts and experiences as a mom with a kid/teen on the spectrum. I am in no way shape or form shaming parents. I feel like we all have our own ways of raising our kids. But I am gonna express a message I received last night about my son.

How can you take him on vacation or trips? Aren't you afraid what people will say or do? Don't you want to shelter him from the public? There is no way I could do that. My family doesn't do anything like that because we don't want people to stare or question. We don't want to face the public. I don't know how your family does it. 

I have to say that I am not gonna judge because not every family has the same relation to the broad spectrum. As her son is more higher functioning than Landon but still tends to have meltdowns. He can talk. Whereas my son doesn't. He makes noises, screeches and yells but its mostly mumbles. 

How can we take him on vacation or trips? Why not? Landon is a part of our family. Hes our kid. I didn't carry him for nine months and fed, bathed and change (still do) him everyday just to exclude him from the same experiences his non special needs siblings have. He has every right to experience vacations to Louisiana and the Great Lakes as we do. Road trips are the best! He got to experience the ocean for the first time last summer and guess what? HE LOVED IT!. Not so much the taste of it but he loved the waves crashing into him. He loved the different foods he got to try. He had a meltdown in the French Quarter but we redirected that quickly and he was fine. He did great on that trip and we were so proud of him.

He did awesome in Gettysburg, Washington D.C, Baltimore, Fort McHenry and Valley Forge too. Granted he did try to go for a swim in the Potomac River. Just last weekend he got to experience Lake Michigan for the first time and screamed because it was so cold. We did our first ever camping trip and took the kids up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan where he got to see waterfalls, more lakes and the Soo Locks. He did great and we never once had a meltdown or issue. Why? Cause hes used to being out in public. We have been taking him out and experiencing the public since he was diagnosed at 2. This past Saturday we all went to downtown Detroit and guess what? He did great. No meltdowns. All smiles. Even said HI! to multiple people passing by and nobody stared at him or judged him. 

We have never sheltered him no matter how ugly the public can be. Trust me when I say we dealt with our fair share of UGLY from the public. Stares. Comments. No matter what you do its gonna happen. The best thing you can do about it is to tell yourself that "that's the reflection of who they are as a person" and not your son or daughter. I have learned that when people stare I stare back and I mean I STARE right back at them. To the point that they feel uncomfortable. I find it amusing actually. But you gotta do it sometimes. As a parent we have to protect our kids. But we also have to get them used to the world. The world can be a scary place. But it also can be a great place. 

Sheltering them in my opinion only prevents them from experiencing the good things that we all get to enjoy. Special needs or not. A kid should experience life. Sheltering is not living. Its surviving.

To those who judge

To the women who felt the need to yell at me and call the Sheriffs Department on me today. Thanks for that. Thanks for showing me that there is judgmental ignorant people in this world. You yelled at me from your fancy cars. Feeling the need to distract me from my 14 year old teenaged boy who got our of our front yard. If you would've taken the time to listen to me through your unwanted shouting while you're driving down Cass Ave. You would've heard me say
MY SON IS SPECIAL NEEDS AND HES TRYING TO GET AWAY. HE HAS NO FEAR. HE DOESN'T SEE CARS AS DANGER. I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE HIM!!!But no instead you yell at me to let him go. Yeah let him go so you can watch him run into traffic and die. Right? Let him run in front of cars like he has done so many times. So many times we had to resort to alarms on all windows and doors and extra locks everywhere. We have to watch him like a hawk when we're outside cause you never know when hes gonna decide to book it for the busy road.You're so worried about me holding my kid down but I didn't see any of you pull over to ask maybe just maybe what was going on. No instead you call the Sheriffs department. The very sheriffs department that knows our kid who has ran from them many times across traffic without getting hurt. Yeah... You who watched me get kicked and slapped and hair pulled trying to keep him from getting away. Yeah YOU. YOU are the reason I hate people. You are the reason I feel like the human race is doomed. You who felt the need to judge me without knowing my story. I bet you couldn't walk a day in my shoes. You have no idea what I go through day in and day out and yet in a way I think you could care less. Maybe next time take the time to find out whats going on and help instead of judging a mom whose already being knocked to the ground. Cause today I felt not only the weight of my kid almost dying. But the weight of anger, sadness, hate and resentment. Bruised, broken and sick of life. Yet these are the SAME perfect people who criticize parents whose kids are on the autism spectrum that get out of the house and end miles away from home or hurt and sometimes dead. These are the same people who comment "WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?" Well I was one of those parents today. Trying my damndest to save my kid and you treated me like garbage you saw on the ground but instead of picking it up, you stepped on it anyway. I hope you don't receive the same treatment that you gave me.

In conclusion to this rant:
YOU can take your judgement and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

Sincerely,

Mom of a teenager on the spectrum who eloped today

I didn't know autism had a look?

I took a hiatus from facebook because I have had a cold for almost a week. It got worse on Thursday and I am finally starting to feel like myself again. I can taste coffee again (YAY ME!). This blog isn't about me being sick though. Its about a post I saw on a mommy group on facebook last week before I took my hiatus. It really irked me. 

I am in a lot of mommy groups on facebook. Don't comment much on them. Mostly keep to myself. Its the Finn in me I suppose. So I usually just read posts and move on. But last week a lady posted about how her friends kid didn't "look" autistic. Which got me to wondering what she meant by it. So I questioned her and she said "well you know.. Special needs kids have a certain look and my friends son looks normal..." I couldn't help but shake my head. I told her that if her friend is concerned that her son is showing the signs of autism that she should have him evaluated. Depending on his age that early intervention would benefit her friends kid. 

I also made it a point to tell her that autistic or special needs kids do not have a specific look about them. Down syndrome children yes. But autistic children "look" like normal kids. The only difference is they have quirks. My son Landon for instance. He was diagnosed with motor apraxia at twelve months old by his neurologist. His motor skills were delayed and he didn't sit up, crawl or walk like most babies would his age. So we went through many tests. Brain scans etc to find out what was wrong with him and that's when we were recommended that we put him through the early on program. At twelve months old Landon did physical and occupational therapies 2-3 times a week. All the way till he turned three years old when he graduated from the program. He made such great progress he took his first steps a few days shy of his second birthday. We were told by his pediatrician that day would never come. It was after his second birthday he was diagnosed with autism even though the neurologist and psychologist were convinced before his diagnoses that he was autistic. He had all the signs. Stared off into space. No eye contact. Repetitive behavior. Self harm. No communication whatsoever. But they weren't comfortable with diagnosing him until he turned two. 

Landon didn't speak for eight years of his life. His pediatrician called him the "silent kid" and although we did everything to get him to show interest in words it never stuck. Not until my twins started talking. Once they started talking and putting words together (they had to have speech therapy too because of their "twin talk") he showed interest in making sounds. He started picking up things from his baby brothers. Showing interest in what they were doing. He would try to mimic what they said. It was amazing to watch. Here's Landon the big brother looking up to his little twin brothers. It was like watching a record repeat itself over and over again. He started to show interest at speech therapy too. Finally giving the teacher what she was working so hard for. I still say to this day I don't think my twins were the motivation first though. It was after my mom died that I swear a light bulb went off in his head. He was more aware. He showed interest in his siblings. He wanted to cuddle and watch movies and just be around his family. It was like he changed after my mom died but changed for the better.

It wasn't until we took him to the doctor (pediatrician) that we didn't realize the real change in him. Usually he hates doctors offices. They're too small and once the door closes he goes into claustrophobic mode. He cannot handle a room the size of an walk in closet. So we knew as soon as the door opened he was gonna flip. Try and get out the door and just not have any of it. But to our surprise he sat there all cheerful like nothing could ruin his day. It was when the doctor walked in that we knew he was a different kid. Usually Landon never acknowledged people not even the doctor. So when the doctor came in he usually does his "hey Landon how are you?" Then turns to us to ask the usual. Well not this time. When he walked through the door.. Landon looked up, smiled and said "HI. How are you?" Dr Grover looked at us and said "did he just talk?" with tears in his eyes. We all sat there pretty much in awe that our Landon was changing. Changing for the better.

Now at age twelve he is in the autism impaired program.and goes to a school specialized in autistic kids. He has learned to love music. He has learned singing songs. He has learned a love for numbers and we have taught him how to say his name. How to count to 20 so far and he also knows his ABC's. He asks questions and loves saying "HI, Good morning!" even if its afternoon or night time. He loves to interact and has opened up to more social gatherings than in the past. Before we could only stay 20-45 minutes tops. Now he will last at the zoo for 3-4 hours. But it took a lot of hard work to get where he is and hes doing amazing. We're so proud of him and the progress he has made thanks to many people. 

In the photo below you can see that Landon looks like a normal kid with a smile on his face. But when you meet Landon you can see by his mannerisms that hes not a typical twelve year old kid. He has motor delays and can't hold a conversation. He is however starting to become socialized and has coped with the world on his own pace. We take him out in public and most of the time the meltdowns have subsided. He doesn't throw himself down in aisles in a store or on the ground at places as much as he used to. It seems like he has matured a lot. He doesn't have the understanding of social cues just yet but working with him we believe he will get there. We have also learned when hes in meltdown mode to reinforce it with positive influence like his favorite songs on youtube, tickling or even singing the numbers song and he will stop and try to interact too forgetting the fact he was upset minutes before. He also loves to spend his time lining up his semi trucks and school buses. Lining up his emergency cars and trucks that light up, sirens going off. He isn't a typical twelve year old that has friends. He doesn't have friends. He doesn't play video games. He doesn't do what twelve year olds do. But he knows he is loved. He knows he has a family that has his back and he knows we're determined and have fought for how far he has become and will continue to do so just so he can have a good life. Landon is a kid that has made me a better person through and through. He doesn't look special needs but he is and hes living proof that with support and determination you can get far. Wouldn't trade him for anything even with the daily struggles of raising a special needs child.